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There was a time when writing felt heavy. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I was moving through life in survival mode. I was strong, busy, and doing what needed to be done but disconnected from myself. Somewhere along the way, I learned that healing doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it shows up quietly, in discipline, in boundaries, in choosing peace over chaos. In giving myself permission to slow down and actually feel again. In January of last year, I committed to a personal project called Unmasked a season of honesty, unlearning, and choosing myself without apology. It was the moment I stopped shrinking, found my voice, and stepped out of survival mode for good. That decision quietly changed the trajectory of my life. This season feels different. Softer, but stronger. More intentional. Rooted. I’m no longer writing from a place of proving or pushing. I’m writing from wholeness, from faith, and from a deep trust in who I’m becoming. This blog is a reflection of that shift. It’s a space for real life the lessons, the becoming, the faith moments, the confidence glow-ups, and the honest conversations we don’t always have out loud. No perfection. No performance. Just presence. If you’ve found your way here while navigating your own season of change, consider this your reminder that softness can still be powerful. You’re allowed to evolve. You’re allowed to choose yourself. Welcome to this new season. I’m glad you’re here.

For·give /fərˈɡiv/ *verb* -1. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake: As I prepared to write this blog, my thoughts were, "How much time do you have? And where do I even start to unpack this?!" The topic is heavy, and anything I say in this blog must be helpful and insightful. So, where do I start? A quick prayer perhaps? Lord, thank you for your grace and your perfect example on this topic. Lord, decrease me and you increase. Speak clearly to your daughters and let these words be edifying, encouraging, and full of hope. Lead them to you for guidance. God, whatever the offense, remove the burden from us, for it is not ours to carry. Bring to light those things we've buried deep in our souls and break their hold on us once and for all. Free us from the shame, guilt, resentment, and bitterness we may be holding onto, and send a refreshing to our hearts. Give us the strength and the courage to let go and live free of its power. Let it be the moment we say amen. In Jesus' most precious name, amen. Forgiveness will not look the same for everyone. Forgiveness is the bridge from pain to peace; walk it for yourself. Do not allow someone else's finish line to be the basis of your expectations. No journey of forgiveness will ever look the same. We all learn differently, we all heal differently. The process is personal, not comparable. Where do I start, you ask? Forgiveness starts with the acknowledgment of the hurt and emotions you are experiencing. You must first get to the root of this pain! Recognize the feelings this pain may have caused you, like resentment or anger, then accept the hard truth that you have been wronged. You've accepted these things, now let's try empathy. This part is one of the hardest because it forces you to take the attention off yourself and your pain and look at the other person's perspective. This is solely for understanding potential motivations, not justification and excuses. Sometimes you need a "why"; this is how you get it. One of the best steps you can take is accountability for any role you may have played in your own hurt, even if it was unintentional. That last step is hard, but this is why the next one is important: be kind, be gracious, and be loving with yourself. Claiming to be self-aware by only focusing on your flaws and negative traits while ignoring your strengths and positive qualities is not self-reflection but self-hate. Finally, choose to forgive. Be intentional and show kindness by letting go of the resentment and negativity associated with the hurt. It's easier said than done but doable. It does take being intentional and self-reflection. I have much experience with this; this isn't an easy subject for me either. So as I type this, I'm writing to myself as well. Here is my experience with forgiveness. Forgiveness for me looked like years of avoidance. For me, that meant avoiding my grandmother. I held much bitterness and anger toward her. I hated her. It was like—no, it was the fact that she didn't take accountability for how her actions shaped my life. So we had a form of a relationship where we talked by default, but we were not close at all. Our relationship at best was surface level or one-sided. Yes, safe to say it was complicated. When I was growing up, my mother and I were very close from the start. I was emotionally secure and safe. We would talk for hours about her goals and what she wanted for herself and our little family. We were close, to say the least. She loved me, and I knew it. I felt it. The love was shown, and I never questioned it. When I was 10, she was murdered, and my grandmother began to raise me. That did not look like it should have or maybe the way I expected it to be. I have good memories from my childhood. I opened gifts at Christmas, I traveled to different states, I've been to amusement parks, and those memories are forever cherished. These moments, occasions, and memories filled with joy, love, and laughter were a small fraction of what childhood was like. The actual norm was filled with tears, yelling, and beatings—not just with a belt, I mean fist to face, hand to cheek, bloody noses, and black eyes. Those were the moments when every memory of love from my mom began to fade. Those were the moments when love and affection were a thing of imagination. There is discipline, then there's abuse. For me, it was the second one. My abuser was my grandmother. She never apologized; she never acknowledged any of it. I was left to feel rejected, insecure, unlovable, and I developed anxiety. I harbored it, so again, for me, it was avoidance. I'd talk to her but always in the back of my mind hated her. The thought of her being praised by her church family sickened me. Once I left from under her, I tried everything in my power to stay away, which turned into learning what it meant to survive! Let's pause here because this could turn into a seven-page blog, but we will revisit this. "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." ~Mark Twain In 2018, I began seeing a counselor, and I began having deeper conversations with my grandmother. I began to learn her, understand her—not excuse her for the mother she was or lack thereof, but more so I got my answers. I started to learn that people can't give what they don't have. She too was abused, not just by her parents but by men. She was never shown compassion, so she had none. She was never shown love and affection, so she had none. I began to see her truly. She started taking accountability. She began to explain herself. She began to speak more openly about her past, and I began to see that she too needed to heal. I began to heal with God and my counselor. I felt free, and I chose to forgive her, even forgave myself for self-destruction. That's the beauty of healing. My perspective shifted, and in my early 30s, we began to have a real relationship, intentionally hanging out, spending hours on the phone. But in February 2022, we had a real breakthrough, and I realized I too owed her an apology for all the resentment, hate, and bitterness I had toward her. I chose to not only forgive but breathe. I can say I love this woman, my grandmother. She's my friend as well, but once upon a time, she was the root of my pain. What did I gain? Peace, a grandmother, a relationship I longed for, and the literal meaning of this quote: "To forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~Lewis B. Smeds I gained freedom. Now, this also took Jesus. His words spoke and still speak very clearly on this topic. We must pray it, meditate on it, and let him lead and guide us throughout this whole process. I want to leave you with these verses. My prayer is that they help you like they helped and are still helping me. Colossians 3:13 NIV Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Mark 11:25 NIV And whenever you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your father in heaven may forgive you. Matthew 18:21 NIV Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to 7 times? For·give /fərˈɡiv/ *verb* -1. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake:

Self care: Beyond the surface When most people hear the term “self-care,” images of pampering sessions—like getting your hair done, nails done, pedicures, or indulging in a spa treatment—often come to mind. At least for me, they did! But not on this day, May 7th, 2024. This day, my soul was aching, my feelings were hurt, my mind was rattled! What do the kids say? “I felt some type of way,” and it was nothing specific yet everything in its entirety. Life was beating me down, and I needed more than an adjusted crown…. I found myself on my bathroom floor, crying my eyes out, anger boiling, cursing, yet praying. I mean getting real with God, no performative prayer, like truly bare before my creator—naked, vulnerable, unhinged!!! Yet… free, realizing right in that moment that’s exactly what He wanted. And exactly what I needed. I needed a release, nothing a pedi and perfected white toes could do!!!    While mentioned activities can certainly be relaxing and enjoyable, self-care is much more than just surface level maintenance . True self-care goes beyond aesthetics, and taps into the emotional, mental, and physical well-being that helps you thrive. Self-care is about taking intentional actions to nurture your overall health and happiness. It’s about creating balance in your life, addressing stress, and nurturing both your body and mind. While treating yourself to a manicure or a fresh hairstyle can be uplifting, it's just one piece of a broader puzzle. I want to leave you with these 5 important elements to consider about your self care journey!! 1. Mental Health : Clearing the Clutter** A key element of self-care is tending to your mental health. In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by daily pressures, constant notifications, and a never-ending to-do list. Self-care means giving yourself permission to take a mental break. This might look like: - Practicing mindfulness or meditation - Journaling your thoughts and feelings - Setting boundaries with work and social obligations - Seeking therapy or counseling when needed Taking care of your mind allows you to reset and recharge, leading to clearer thinking and a better sense of self. 2. Physical Health : Nourish Your Body** Self-care also involves caring for your physical body—not just through external appearance but through healthy habits that support long-term wellness. Getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, exercising regularly, and staying hydrated are foundational aspects of self-care that keep you feeling energized and strong. Physical health and mental health are deeply interconnected, and neglecting one can affect the other. Prioritize exercise, whether it’s a morning walk, yoga session, or a dance class. Even small changes, like incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your meals or practicing good sleep hygiene, can have a significant impact on your overall well-being. 3. Emotional Well-Being : Listening to Yourself** Your emotional health is just as important as your physical health. Self-care involves tuning into your feelings, acknowledging your emotions, and allowing yourself the space to process them. Ignoring or suppressing emotions can lead to burnout, stress, and anxiety over time. Taking care of your emotional well-being might involve: - Practicing self-compassion and forgiveness - Reaching out for support from friends or family - Taking time for activities that bring you joy, like reading, painting, or hiking - Engaging in conversations that nurture and uplift your spirit Emotional well-being is not about avoiding difficult feelings, but about giving yourself the tools and space to manage them in healthy ways. 4. Social Self-Care: Cultivating Meaningful Relationships While self-care often emphasizes individual well-being, it’s also about cultivating strong, supportive relationships with others. Positive, healthy relationships contribute to your sense of belonging and overall happiness. If you consider he fact that self care is more than surface level than you must also consider that you need community!!! Make time to connect with loved ones, whether it's through regular check-ins, quality time, or deep, meaningful conversations. I It's also important to assess the quality of your relationships. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and encourage your growth, while distancing yourself from those who drain your energy or contribute to negativity. 5. Spiritual Self-Care: Connecting with Your Purpose For many, self-care involves nurturing a sense of connection to something larger than themselves, whether that be through religion, nature, or personal philosophy. Spiritual self-care is about exploring and honoring your beliefs, finding peace, and embracing gratitude. You can practice spiritual self-care by: - Engaging in regular reflection - Spending time in nature - Practicing gratitude daily - Participating in activities that align with your values These practices can provide a sense of purpose, grounding, and peace, helping you reconnect with your inner self. - The Bottom Line- Self-care is a holistic practice that encompasses every aspect of your being—mental, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. While a manicure or new haircut can be a fun and temporary mood boost, it’s the deeper, more consistent acts of self-care that truly nourish and sustain us. Investing in yourself means prioritizing your well-being in all areas of life, not just the surface level. By taking time to nurture your body, mind, and spirit, you can create a solid foundation for a healthier, happier, and more fulfilled life. So the next time you think about self-care, remember that it’s not just about the outward appearance—it’s about showing up for yourself in every way possible. Follow through!!! Which one of these elements spoke to you the most? And or which one of these if not all would you consider adding to your self care?